A year ago my acupuncturist told me her family is in the practice of doing vision boards at the start of each year. She talked about how she finds it such a good activity for their family to set intentions and goals for the next 12 months. I got it, it made sense…but at the time, I nodded and smiled and thought “yeah, I don’t think that is for me”. The idea of doing a collage of images symbolizing my goals and intentions felt more like a grade three art project and felt way outside my box of who I am. Today, I know I was likely more afraid to document my desires in case it didn’t happen. After all, it would hurt less if I didn’t document it, right?
A year later, my thinking shifts….maybe I listened to too much Oprah Radio, watched too many Ted Talks or went to too many yoga classes. No matter what the cause, my self-discovery over the last 12 months has led me to three themes I need to confront head-on in 2015 and I need a reminder of them every day.
- Family – I believe children will be part of our life. How I come to have a family is blurry in my head as it is a big effort to visualize certain aspects of it. I struggle to see the positive pregnancy test or myself with a baby bump…but I do see myself coming home with a baby in a car seat and introducing the new person to our little dog. So, to help fill in the blanks, I found pictures of fertility symbols, positive pregnancy tests, baby bumps and even babies and kids toys. I also depicted love and marriage and even our little dog, because I am grateful for what I have now and family is not defined by parenthood alone.
- Health – I need to be healthier in 2015. Half of the last year was spent on drugs that made me lethargic, depressed and lead my brain to dark, heavy places that I didn’t know I could find. The regular gym-goer in me took a hiatus in 2014 because I just didn’t have the desire or the oomph to get me out the door. I heard someone say that people put on weight to add layers between them and the pain as a way to cushion themselves from the hurt…that idea struck a chord as the extra 14 ½ pounds I added the last two years is likely the result of doing exactly that. In 2015, I don’t want to be that person, I want to be as healthy as I can be emotionally and physically to take on whatever the next 12 months throws at us including IVF.
- Creativity – I need to find my creative soul again. When I look inside, creativity is a part of who I am – writing, drawing, music, decorating, cooking – creating something is where I find a lot of pleasure. I am loved and supported at home and my day job is awesome. My life is full, but I know my creative side is sleeping because I didn’t make time for it the last five years. So, in 2015 I plan to explore that side of myself again and give it its needed time. This thinking is where the inspiration for this blog came from; writing gives me joy and for the first time in a long time, I am back in touch with a childhood dream of being a writer.
I am happy to say that I am starting 2015 with a vision board on my bathroom mirror – a daily reminder of all the things I want in 2015. On some level I am afraid to look at my board as it is my documented leap of faith exposing my desires for the year, but I know looking at this board every day is something I need to do to keep believing and living uncomfortably optimistic.
So, here is to my year of finding courage and being vulnerable…my vision board and blog are my first steps.