Taking on vulnerability with my vision board

A year ago my acupuncturist told me her family is in the practice of doing vision boards at the start of each year. She talked about how she finds it such a good activity for their family to set intentions and goals for the next 12 months. I got it, it made sense…but at the time, I nodded and smiled and thought “yeah, I don’t think that is for me”. The idea of doing a collage of images symbolizing my goals and intentions felt more like a grade three art project and felt way outside my box of who I am. Today, I know I was likely more afraid to document my desires in case it didn’t happen. After all, it would hurt less if I didn’t document it, right?

vision

A year later, my thinking shifts….maybe I listened to too much Oprah Radio, watched too many Ted Talks or went to too many yoga classes. No matter what the cause, my self-discovery over the last 12 months has led me to three themes I need to confront head-on in 2015 and I need a reminder of them every day.

  • Family – I believe children will be part of our life. How I come to have a family is blurry in my head as it is a big effort to visualize certain aspects of it.  I struggle to see the positive pregnancy test or myself with a baby bump…but I do see myself coming home with a baby in a car seat and introducing the new person to our little dog.  So, to help fill in the blanks, I found pictures of fertility symbols, positive pregnancy tests, baby bumps and even babies and kids toys. I also depicted love and marriage and even our little dog, because I am grateful for what I have now and family is not defined by parenthood alone.
  • Health – I need to be healthier in 2015.  Half of the last year was spent on drugs that made me lethargic, depressed and lead my brain to dark, heavy places that I didn’t know I could find. The regular gym-goer in me took a hiatus in 2014 because I just didn’t have the desire or the oomph to get me out the door.  I heard someone say that people put on weight to add layers between them and the pain as a way to cushion themselves from the hurt…that idea struck a chord as the extra 14 ½ pounds I added the last two years is likely the result of doing exactly that.  In 2015, I don’t want to be that person, I want to be as healthy as I can be emotionally and physically to take on whatever the next 12 months throws at us including IVF.
  • Creativity – I need to find my creative soul again. When I look inside, creativity is a part of who I am – writing, drawing, music, decorating, cooking – creating something is where I find a lot of pleasure.  I am loved and supported at home and my day job is awesome. My life is full, but I know my creative side is sleeping because I didn’t make time for it the last five years. So, in 2015 I plan to explore that side of myself again and give it its needed time. This thinking is where the inspiration for this blog came from; writing gives me joy and for the first time in a long time, I am back in touch with a childhood dream of being a writer.

I am happy to say that I am starting 2015 with a vision board on my bathroom mirror – a daily reminder of all the things I want in 2015. On some level I am afraid to look at my board as it is my documented leap of faith exposing my desires for the year, but I know looking at this board every day is something I need to do to keep believing and living uncomfortably optimistic.

So, here is to my year of finding courage and being vulnerable…my vision board and blog are my first steps.

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4 thoughts on “Taking on vulnerability with my vision board

  1. I really love the idea of a vision board. I think it’s a good idea. It’s what they say sometimes, that if you’re always focusing on the negatives- that’s what you’ll bring into your life. So, why not focus on what you want? One quote that totally struck me was, “People put on weight to add layers between them and the pain as a way to cushion themselves from the hurt.” This truly does explain why after 4 miscarriages in 2.5 years I put on an extra 40lbs that I’m currently working really hard to get rid of. I was hurting and it’s the only way I could cope- to shut out the world. I too, want to be a healthier version of myself. Thank you for sharing that quote with us. Good luck with your vision board! I’m hoping nothing but positive things come into your life!

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