For two years I have prayed, wished and hoped for my period to not arrive. This month as I lead up to the start of the IVF process…I had so many different thoughts go through my head. At first, I was scared…so I was quietly praying that this might be the month that I finally got pregnant naturally. Then closer to the end of the month, my nerves calmed down and I was sort of able to wrap my mind around the whole process. And then in the blink of an eye, when I was distracted by work for a minute, it all started. The waiting was over, the ride was starting!
Overall I was most nervous about the daily injections. The thought of having to poke myself every day just seemed so undoable in my mind – isn’t there a pill for that? So, I planned and lined up needle support systems at work, at home and worst case could drive to a friends house for help too. As luck would have it…when it actually came time to pull the trigger (or plunge the syringe)…I was on my own. My injection time is 1pm…so mid-day and mid-swing of many moving pieces. My husband had an interview, I had a noon acupuncture appointment and my friend was just too far away to juggle between appointments and afternoon meetings.
I think God must have been smiling down on me when he picked this moment for me this week. He cornered me. He forced me to accept that I was going to have to do this on my own. I would have to find the courage and cross this bridge on my own. Now, I am thankful as he wasn’t all bad to me in my big moment, as he made sure I had a quiet, comfortable bathroom at my acupuncturist’s place. I didn’t have a lot of time to dawdle but also didn’t have to feel rushed. And I had a backup support system a knock away if I needed it.
From the time I closed the door to the little bathroom to the time I walked out the front door, my hands lightly shook. I was in awe as I calmly introduced myself to needles and the chemistry sets of drugs I was given. I was in awe that despite my little tremble in my hand…I could do it! It didn’t hurt, I didn’t run for the hills…I was successful. After months of failing at this process…I finally succeeded at something. Two days in I am still in awe and recognize what an amazing empowering moment Thursday was. Makes me think…”I got this!”