I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I said yes to IVF. But, I don’t think anything quite prepares you for it either.
For those on the outside, I think IVF can sound like a simple procedure where you take a few drugs, pop in to the clinic one day, pay a whack of money and done!
For those on the inside, I now see how it is really more like a series hurdles in a long race. The crazy thing is the hurdles aren’t evenly spaced or equal height, instead I find there to be no rhyme or reason for their size or spacing. Some are higher than others, more like a high jump, and others are little steps that a child could hop over. From a distance each hurdle looks one way, but then in the moment they can grow or shrink in the blink of an eye.
The first hurdle of appointments and doing my first few days of injections were surprisingly small. Then came the stage of adding a third injection to my day… And to my surprise the perceived little hurdle grew in front of me. Why??? It makes no sense…I can get over the hurdle…but it isn’t the little step it was 2 days ago.
The hurdles from the side effects of the drugs were a bit bigger than I first thought, but then I started to see a pattern and then settled in. Then out of nowhere this morning it was harder to get out of bed. I am starting to get tired… It’s obvious.
Now I am mid-way through the race…and the results and doctors comments are starting to be announced over the loudspeaker. Each result is a mix of positivity and concern…I feel like every comment is added to my body like an ankle weight. Just when I hope for it to get a bit easier or the next hurdle to be spaced out a little further I find myself in front of an emotional wall. *Sigh*
The bottom line, the IVF race is hard. Physically and emotionally… One second I am on top of the world and the next one I am doubting I can finish the race. I know I can finish… I just need to find faith in my next moment.