In Treatment Limbo…

Its official, we are half way through May. And on the eve of our first “summer” long weekend in Canada, it’s also the official kick off to light coloured clothes, camping, extra-long weekends and outdoor sport season. Aside from the itchy eyes and runny nose that follow me into May, spring/summer is my favorite time of year. I keep asking myself, how could I miss out on these few precious months to do treatments?

IVF in February is a no brainer. Who wants to do anything but sit on a couch and watch endless episodes of TV, of frankly anything, while your body goes into overdrive making eggs? It’s also dark at 6:00 pm in February, so going to bed at 8:30 pm because you’re exhausted just fits nicely with winter daylight hours. Plus you limit the number of lies you tell because your friends are hibernating after Christmas, so no one notices that you fell off the social scene for several weeks either.

The decision for us to consider facing IVF #2 in our precious spring and summer months on the other hand is a whole other ball game. Now for some, the decision is easy…treatment comes before everything else…get the show on the road! For us, we are likely a little jaded, TIRED of putting our life on hold and making empty “what if” plans. When our IVF journey in February failed, the first thing to help me feel normal was to make some non-baby-making-related plans and enjoy some fun vacation time versus IVF couch surfing.

I immediately booked a girls weekend in May (check!), my husband is off to a boys golf weekend in June, we are both off to spend time with family in June and a weeklong annual camping/golf trip in July. Of course there is a part of me that desperately wants to try again, but there is another part of me that says why rush it…why give up everything that still makes me feel like the old me? All these little trips help me feel normal and it’s exactly what we would have done before infertility swallowed us whole.life-quote

Trust me, my fertility project manager side attempted to fit in an IVF in-between all these things as most excursions are separated by a month of days, but of course…when I looked at the calendar there is not one single trip that doesn’t trip over the most inopportune time of a treatment cycle. C’est la vie! (AKA – that’s life…or Murphy’s Law)

So, I sit in baby-making limbo… I read about and envy the ladies that are going through IVF right now…because a big part of me wants to be there with you too. Instead, I am rebelling against the infertility culture to do whatever/whenever…and rather insist on putting our normal lives first this time. So, this year I turn my focus to being me, getting healthy, having some fun….and looking forward to a mid to late August attempt #2.

*To all of you doing treatments this spring/summer…I wish much baby dust to all of you! I am here in the background cheering you on.

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10 thoughts on “In Treatment Limbo…

  1. I really admire you! You are living your life and taking care of all aspects of you, including your relationships and chance for life adventures. This post felt so healthy and… rational. (Not that your posts are ever irrational… I’m just thinking there have been so many times in my past I could never achieve your mindset and outlook.) It sounds like you have a great support system and joy in many places. That sense of calm and excitement for things beyond another cycle, will ultimately keep fueling you and keeping you in good health overall. I love when your blog has updates. It’s not about me, but I always feel better and reminded about what really matters after reading them. You are pretty amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It makes me feel so good to read this. I am glad my outpouring of words gives back to someone reading it. I try to be honest in the moment I write it. I feel like putting it out there helps me let go…which is purely an act just for me.

      When I did my ivf cycle, I became a bit of an pen pal with another girl going thru it at the exact same time. I really attribute that act of sharing that experience to my being in such a good space now. Sharing is key I believe.

      Like

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