BFP: Green-Eyed Monster

green eyes

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Green-Eyed Monster.”

Dear BFP Betty,

It has come to my attention that you nervously peed on a stick earlier this year and were finally blessed to see those evasive two pink lines.  Since your miraculous moment, you have blessed your blog with countless pregnancy posts and bump pics. It disheartens me to say, but every time I see a new post the green-eyed monster in me roars.

Your writing was always a favorite of mine as I felt like you understood the infertility world better than anyone. You walked in my shoes and eloquently shared your experiences…we had never met, but you were the virtual friend that I needed; with you there, I was no longer alone. Then *poof* you were gone…sitting happily on the other side of the infertility railroad tracks with not a glance back at the ones you left behind. Your writing was once a well of inspiration or rants ….now there is a hole in my infertility support system that I have yet to find another to fill.

You likely had this same green-eyed monster in your life before you saw those two pink lines. If you thought he went away…he didn’t…instead he continues to live inside me. He kicks at my guts, steals my vision, and makes my heart beat fast. Do you remember this monster that once haunted you…he now consumes me.

I don’t want to unfollow your blog, but I feel like I have no choice. Sadly, the green-eyed monster feeds on pregnancy blog posts. Unfollowing you is a survival mechanism, please don’t take offense.

With regrets,

Your green-eyed BFN friend

Please note: As I sit in treatment limbo (see previous post), I struggle to find things to write about because my mind is actually pretty quiet at the moment. So, I thought the timing would be good to dust off the Blogging 101 task of using the Daily Prompt for inspiration.

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25 thoughts on “BFP: Green-Eyed Monster

    • Thank you! I really struggled with whether I should post this or not, as I don’t always feel this way…but after a while all the BFP posts add up. This is definitely something that continues to nag at me and this Daily Post prompt really opened the door.

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  1. I seriously cannot stand it when IF bloggers get a BFP and all of a sudden forget their entire readership are women who would give an arm for a BFP not a bunch of sorority sisters asking for more bump pictures. It’s like they forget all the pain of those in this community and turn into gushing and insensitive school girls. I have no patience for it. And don’t even get me started on the ‘bumpdates’ aka most boring blog post ever. Food cravings: who the f cares we are all trying to claw our way to a baby and read these blogs needing support and inspiration not to know that you feel like green apples today. Ok end of rant over. Haha. Apparently this strikes a nerve. Xo

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    • Hahah, mamajo, I agree that the bumpdates are pretty snoozy. And when I’m in a bad place I just skip them all together. But I’m torn on the pregnancy updates. On the one hand, I completely agree that you shouldn’t forget who your audience is, and should be sensitive about what you say. But on the other hand, I feel like all of us have worked so hard to get pregnant, so that if you’re finally pregnant you should have your moment to shout it from the rood tops and post bump pics, etc. I posted during my pregnancy with Lettie (not under the title Bumpdate though haha), and now I’m so glad to have that record. But then again when I was pregnant with Lettie most of my followers were my family and friends and not the infertility community. I’m not sure what I’d do if there is ever a next time for me. Like I said, I’m torn!

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      • I agree with every word that uncomfortably optimistic, mamajo and the sky and back. Somedays those posts drive me crazy, but at the same time I kind of hope that anyone who crosses to the other side gets to enjoy it. I dunno what the answer is, but I do know that some days it’s hard to be the one stuck behind just reading.

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      • I can see I struck a chord. I really hope and pray for every single one of us that we end up on the other side of the fertility tracks and never look back. It just boils down to fact that it sucks to be left behind. I don’t know what I would do with my blog after a BFP… but I hope I can find a medium ground that gives inspiration and remembers.

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      • I think it totally depends on how you do it. If it’s done with sensitively and gratitude it is much easier to read. Awaiting Autumn does it well I think. You are right too- we should be able to openly celebrate and rejoice and let me make this clear- when you and My Perfect Breakdown and a few others get your babies I want every little detail and will fully rejoice. I think this is more aimed at the I went through two cycles of Clomid and one IUI now let me tell you all about my pregnancy folks’. Haha as if it is a competition. I know it all sucks. I am glad others are a bit more elevated than me and much more gracious. I have been working a lot on just staying focused on my own path and not comparing it to others. It helps calm down my need to stay on a timeline and also makes me appreciate all I do have.

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      • It is SO HARD not to compare! This is one of the hardest things for me. I’m always saying in my head, “Well why does she have…” But I only succeed in making myself feel like crap that way. She has what she has because that is her journey. I have a different journey and I am just as blessed to be on the road I’m on. Because you are right–our path is exactly where we are meant to be. Xoxo.

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  2. I totally understand this. For so long I did not want to read other infertility blogs because I felt like it would be painful either way: watching bloggers get their BFPs and have the ability to move on hurts and feels discouraging while you’re still struggling… but yet seeing the continuous pain and failed treatments of bloggers also hurts and is discouraging. I avoided it forever until a few months ago, and for now I do feel like the good outweighs the bad, though there have been painful experiences. I have also had a really hard time with those who suddenly join the other side and seem to act as though they’re better than the rest of us stuck here or just become totally obnoxious with posts and photos.
    Ive noticed that there is often a general sort of amnesia as to the things that hurt them pre-BFP.

    I’ve thought a lot about how I will handle this if I ever get my BFP. My blog is read by family and friends so I will want to keep people informed but I sincerely hope that I do not become someone who causes further pain to the friends I’ve made here who are still hurting.

    I am sorry that you are struggling through this lull in your treatment. I had a hard time even just in the 6-8 weeks between our negative beta and second transfer and felt very left out, so I can only imagine. I hope that you are able to reach your goals and enjoy yourself a bit in the meantime so that you feel strong and refreshed going into your next treatment. xo

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  3. I’m always a little stunned when those that apparently had been truly wrecked by infertility, become one of those mommas/posters/complainers/constant baby talkers. The women I know who have been blessed with a child after years of IF (me included) have languished over the guilt, announcement and all else related due to being stuck in between both worlds and never being able to forget it and where we came from. I think that big green monster was good to show up. Feedback for survivors of IF is one of the most important kinds!!!

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    • It will always be important to me to remember this time. It has defined a period in my life that has made me stronger and introduced me to some incredibly strong and amazing women along the way. One of the big reasons I write about all this is to help me remember and chronicle my journey. In the last 6 months, I can see the peaks, the valleys and the moments of clarity.

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  4. Constantly hoping for all of these bloggers that their (and your) time is coming. For people that have truly struggled with the agony of infertility, I am not sure it’s possible to ever fully look forward and never turn back. But ultimately I try to remind myself that we are in fact each other’s best cheerleaders. These are the women that we should want more than anything in my eyes to post news of a BFP. Never met a group of women I felt “more deserving”, not the Facebook announcements that seem to make getting pregnant as easy as tying a shoe. In saying that, it’s easier for me to have that perspective now, but I hope and I pray and I do dances to monkey jujus for all the ladies (and their partners) fighting the fight. -JP

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    • Yes, I agree completely that these are the women we all need as our cheerleaders. As much as I may be envious of their BFP’s (I am human after all), I also know they have been to hell and back and deserve to move forward and enjoy their pregnancy. It does make me happy to see someone get their positive because it gives me hope too.

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  5. I’m fairly new to blogging and fairly old to infertility 😉 and I have to say I actually want to hear the success stories. I feel like those people have earned my follow (so to speak) and given the relatively short time I’ve been blogging and following people,they haven’t turned into baby bores as it’s still very new. Maybe ill change my mind as things go on but for me it’s encouraging to know that people get a good result in the end. For some reason, knowing it was a struggle and it all worked out makes me feel better. Whereas the fb gloating updated and endless mummy spiel bore me to tears so I just unfollow them!

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  6. I just wanted to share that as a blogger who has been through years of infertility, ended up with a BFP and now has a five-year-old daughter, it was hurtful to me when readers left. Just because I got a BFP doesn’t mean I forgot the pain. I was sensitive to knowing fellow infertile sisters were still reading, but I also feel like I deserved to be happy and show it on my blog periodically. It wasn’t even a weekly update, more like monthly, and people still just left. Today, trying to conceive again, I’m 3 years into it, still infertile due to PCOS, really hoping to give my daughter a sibling, and it will hurt me if readers just dump me again after my BFP… if I am so blessed. I thoroughly enjoy reading pregnancy updates for those who suffered infertility – I feel like they deserve it and I want to see them succeed. I love seeing pictures of their babies that they worked so hard for – it always gave me hope and still does. Yes, I get jealous when others get their BFPs, but I also want to know their pregnancies end well and I want to see their miracle babies grow up. I still do. Otherwise, what is the point of rallying behind each other with “baby dust” and all of those things when we’re just going to turn our backs on each other when the pregnancy goal is reached? Just giving the other side… I was really hurt when people left my blog, and now some of them are back and I’m thinking, “Really? You only care to read/comment when misery is involved?” That’s my perspective, as a long-time blogger for the last several years, that is what I have experienced. We’re a sisterhood for a reason. We should stick together. ❤

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    • Thanks for sharing the other side of the perspective. I agree we need to be each other’s cheerleaders. This post was a moment in time feeling and I know I am in a different spot now. This post definitely got people feeling something! I look forward to following your story and your next pregnancy. All the best!!

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      • Thanks for following! I hope you get your BFP and feel like sharing your pregnancy. I want to read about it for sure! I think this post just helped inspire me to write one as well, because I really was so hurt when people left last time… I feel like I should ask them to stay. Your post was really good! It was more some of the comments from others that got me. But really, they turned into a muse for a post I’m going to work on. 🙂 Glad I found your blog through Miss.Conception Coach!

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