I am 1 in 6!

1in6I am 1 in 6 who knows what it feels like to nervously giggle and change the subject when someone asks “when are you having kids?” I know what it feels like to excitedly start trying for a family at the same time as friends…only to be the only couple without kids.

I am 1 in 6 who wakes up at the crack of dawn to take her temperature every single day. I know where to get the best deal on ovulation predictor kits and pregnancy tests. I have read every news article there is on “getting pregnant” and I ride an emotional roller coaster every month.

I am 1 in 6 who seeks every available alternative treatment there is – naturopath, acupuncture, chiropractic, Traditional Chinese Medicine – because a friend of a friend knows someone it worked for.

I never miss taking a vitamin and I gave up my morning coffee nearly two and a half years ago.

I am 1 in 6 who cringes every time someone tells me to “relax” or “try not to think about it.” I know what it feels like to scream on the inside and smile and nod on the outside.

I am 1 in 6 who has had to ask for a referral to a fertility specialist and then wait patiently for months for a phone call and another month for an appointment. I cried after visiting the fertility specialist because nothing prepared me for the emotions that follow after asking for help to get pregnant.

I am 1 in 6 who happily takes horrible hormone-inducing drugs for months on end that make you feel crazy, sad and desperate at the exact same time they give you hope.

I am 1 in 6 who has willingly thrown her feet into the stirrups for any doctor holding an internal ultrasound wand (or dildo cam). I have had dye and saline shot into my uterus for x-rays and ultrasounds. I have had countless blood tests and I speak a secret language of abbreviations.

I am 1 in 6 who has dipped into their life savings to gamble big on starting a family. I have tried three IUIs and failed three times. I have poked myself with a needle three times a day for weeks at a time to try IVF and I will gladly sign up to do it again because the first time didn’t work.

I am 1 in 6 who gets back up when she falls down. I am 1 in 6 who knows how to persevere and try again. I am 1 in 6 who knows how to find hope in the smallest of chances. I am 1 in 6 who is stronger for being on this journey. I am 1 in 6 who is incredibly courageous.

I am 1 in 6 who desperately wants the world to understand but still finds it hard to speak.

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8 thoughts on “I am 1 in 6!

  1. I love everything about this (except the fact that it comes from immeasurable pain). When I read it I felt like I was reading my own words. It’s sometimes (often) difficult to articulate what infertility feels like. But you so effortlessly capture the essence of this struggle. It’s a beautiful post xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is everything and more. Say it, no….SCREAM it from the roof tops….you are not alone! Nor am I! You’ve said what I’ve said, and meant to say. Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry we have these thoughts/feelings in common. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes I wonder where those other 1/6 of the people are around me… loneliness in real life, and then I remember they’re out there, just behind computer screens, but still there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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