I am 1 in 6 who knows what it feels like to nervously giggle and change the subject when someone asks “when are you having kids?” I know what it feels like to excitedly start trying for a family at the same time as friends…only to be the only couple without kids.
I am 1 in 6 who wakes up at the crack of dawn to take her temperature every single day. I know where to get the best deal on ovulation predictor kits and pregnancy tests. I have read every news article there is on “getting pregnant” and I ride an emotional roller coaster every month.
I am 1 in 6 who seeks every available alternative treatment there is – naturopath, acupuncture, chiropractic, Traditional Chinese Medicine – because a friend of a friend knows someone it worked for.
I never miss taking a vitamin and I gave up my morning coffee nearly two and a half years ago.
I am 1 in 6 who cringes every time someone tells me to “relax” or “try not to think about it.” I know what it feels like to scream on the inside and smile and nod on the outside.
I am 1 in 6 who has had to ask for a referral to a fertility specialist and then wait patiently for months for a phone call and another month for an appointment. I cried after visiting the fertility specialist because nothing prepared me for the emotions that follow after asking for help to get pregnant.
I am 1 in 6 who happily takes horrible hormone-inducing drugs for months on end that make you feel crazy, sad and desperate at the exact same time they give you hope.
I am 1 in 6 who has willingly thrown her feet into the stirrups for any doctor holding an internal ultrasound wand (or dildo cam). I have had dye and saline shot into my uterus for x-rays and ultrasounds. I have had countless blood tests and I speak a secret language of abbreviations.
I am 1 in 6 who has dipped into their life savings to gamble big on starting a family. I have tried three IUIs and failed three times. I have poked myself with a needle three times a day for weeks at a time to try IVF and I will gladly sign up to do it again because the first time didn’t work.
I am 1 in 6 who gets back up when she falls down. I am 1 in 6 who knows how to persevere and try again. I am 1 in 6 who knows how to find hope in the smallest of chances. I am 1 in 6 who is stronger for being on this journey. I am 1 in 6 who is incredibly courageous.
I am 1 in 6 who desperately wants the world to understand but still finds it hard to speak.