So, today marks day 10 of the stimulation phase for IVF #2. To date I have completed 10 self-injections, 5 acupuncture sessions, 4 rounds of blood work and 3 ultrasounds (AKA dildocams) on this journey; I am back for more blood work and another ultrasound tomorrow with retrieval right around the corner. So to say that I am “on pins and needles” sums it up just right.
Since this is my 2nd round of IVF, I have something to compare this round to and, well, what a difference a second chance makes. My first experience in February was scary, exhausting, bloated and fairly uncomfortable. This round…I am not scared, rather I am level headed and calm. I am tired, but I still find myself with good energy. I am bloated…but I can still wear pants. There is some ovary discomfort, but it is much easier to handle.
What’s the difference? Health? Drugs? Attitude? Hard to say exactly. My attitude, or emotional wellbeing, is healthier and it is easier to navigate these waters when you know what to expect at each phase. It could also be the drugs as my protocol has changed. It could also be my physical health as I know I worked my a$$ off the last 6 months with exercise and clean eating. Maybe its one…maybe its all of them.
Whatever the difference is…I sit here today and I am just grateful. I am grateful to have the resources and support to try IVF again. I am grateful that I feel good at this point in the process. I am grateful my body is responding well to the drugs. I am grateful that I took a break between attempts so that I could clear my head and have the right attitude. I am grateful that I am not overly optimistic or pessimistic…I know first-hand that anything can happen. And…as warped as it might sound….I am grateful that I got my negative the first time around because I know that I can survive the heartbreaking news and then turnaround and be strong enough to put myself out there again.
So rather than being uncomfortably optimistic this time round….I would say, I am much more comfortably optimistic.