What I am referencing in my title is the challenge of finances and infertility. As I have mentioned in prior posts, my husband and I have put IVF behind us because it won’t work for us, so now we are looking at other options like open adoption, embryo donation or egg donors. Frustratingly with each option, there continues to be a dollar sign with a considerable amount of money beside each choice.
Now, I am not one to complain about money on this journey as I know we are very fortunate to have what we have. But these days, there is a new factor weighing in on the affordability of starting family and that is the cost of my day job. What literally keeps me up at night is the situation that as our costs to start a family are rising, our ability to fund this adventure is shrinking. You see as luck would have it, my husband and I both work in an industry that is contracting right now versus growing.
In a normal economy my husband and I would be looking at a few years of standard salary increases and perhaps a bonus or two. We would be able to save enough to help offset the costs of infertility and ideally avoid any significant loans to start a family. In the abnormal economic scenario we are in today, we are stuck taking wage roll-backs, no bonuses and we face real concerns of job security. Sadly, the industry we both work in is known for its boom and bust cycles every few years. Now, I am no stranger to rollercoasters as this blog wouldn’t exist without them and with my job I have been in this tough spot before…but back in 2009 it was just me riding the rollercoaster and it meant just a slight adjustment to my financial belt. This time around, the stakes are higher, because sitting beside me on this stressful ride is my husband, my biological clock and the costs of infertility.
My husband and I have often talked that it doesn’t make sense for us to both be in this industry as both our jobs feel the brunt of a bust cycle. Diversification is definitely part of the plan long-term and my husband would gladly take the plunge…but right now…he’s in school to ensure he gets a better job down the road. His employer is supportive of the schooling and has given him a lot of flexibility to finish up his certificate during the slow-down. So, it really doesn’t make sense for him to make the leap right now…so that leaves me.
We are just starting the application process for adoption now so we are at least 18+ months away from having a baby. Considering this timeline, I know if I was talking to one of my girlfriends in this situation, I would likely recommend that now might be a good time to consider changing jobs. Especially when you consider that this said girlfriend has a skillset that is transferable to a number of areas. I might even tell her, it really is a no-brainer. But if this said girlfriend is like me, she is also an extremely loyal individual and has poured a lot of energy into helping build the company she has worked with for seven plus years of its 10 year existence. I ask myself, how can I walk away now from a career with a company that has been “my baby” for a very long time?
There are no easy answers in this situation. The company I work for is a good one, they have been amazing over the years to me and have been extremely supportive of infertility treatments and our desire to start a family. So, when you mix in this supportive career environment, a shrinking industry, along with my angry feelings of unfairness due to infertility. The question that keeps running through my brain at night is, what’s the cost of loyalty? Is it the difference of one child versus two? Is it six months of maternity leave versus 12? What exactly am I willing to give up by staying put with this employer?
So my friends, as I type this in the wee hours of the morning…can you see the rock and the hard place that I am stuck between? How would you suggest I find peace in figuring out what to do?