The Cost of Infertility: It keeps me up at night…

What I am referencing in my title is the challenge of finances and infertility. As I have mentioned in prior posts, my husband and I have put IVF behind us because it won’t work for us, so now we are looking at other options like open adoption, embryo donation or egg donors. Frustratingly with each option, there continues to be a dollar sign with a considerable amount of money beside each choice.

Now, I am not one to complain about money on this journey as I know we are very fortunate to have what we have. But these days, there is a new factor weighing in on the affordability of starting family and that is the cost of my day job. What literally keeps me up at night is the situation that as our costs to start a family are rising, our ability to fund this adventure is shrinking. You see as luck would have it, my husband and I both work in an industry that is contracting right now versus growing.

In a normal economy my husband and I would be looking at a few years of standard salary increases and perhaps a bonus or two. We would be able to save enough to help offset the costs of infertility and ideally avoid any significant loans to start a family. In the abnormal economic scenario we are in today, we are stuck taking wage roll-backs, no bonuses and we face real concerns of job security. Sadly, the industry we both work in is known for its boom and bust cycles every few years. Now, I am no stranger to rollercoasters as this blog wouldn’t exist without them and with my job I have been in this tough spot before…but back in 2009 it was just me riding the rollercoaster and it meant just a slight adjustment to my financial belt. This time around, the stakes are higher, because sitting beside me on this stressful ride is my husband, my biological clock and the costs of infertility.

My husband and I have often talked that it doesn’t make sense for us to both be in this industry as both our jobs feel the brunt of a bust cycle. Diversification is definitely part of the plan long-term and my husband would gladly take the plunge…but right now…he’s in school to ensure he gets a better job down the road. His employer is supportive of the schooling and has given him a lot of flexibility to finish up his certificate during the slow-down. So, it really doesn’t make sense for him to make the leap right now…so that leaves me.

We are just starting the application process for adoption now so we are at least 18+ months away from having a baby. Considering this timeline, I know if I was talking to one of my girlfriends in this situation, I would likely recommend that now might be a good time to consider changing jobs. Especially when you consider that this said girlfriend has a skillset that is transferable to a number of areas. I might even tell her, it really is a no-brainer. But if this said girlfriend is like me, she is also an extremely loyal individual and has poured a lot of energy into helping build the company she has worked with for seven plus years of its 10 year existence. I ask myself, how can I walk away now from a career with a company that has been “my baby” for a very long time?

There are no easy answers in this situation. The company I work for is a good one, they have been amazing over the years to me and have been extremely supportive of infertility treatments and our desire to start a family. So, when you mix in this supportive career environment, a shrinking industry, along with my angry feelings of unfairness due to infertility. The question that keeps running through my brain at night is, what’s the cost of loyalty? Is it the difference of one child versus two? Is it six months of maternity leave versus 12? What exactly am I willing to give up by staying put with this employer?

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So my friends, as I type this in the wee hours of the morning…can you see the rock and the hard place that I am stuck between? How would you suggest I find peace in figuring out what to do?

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24 thoughts on “The Cost of Infertility: It keeps me up at night…

  1. Gosh, this so very tough. I read an article the other day about adopting, and it’s crazy how long the wait is, and how much it costs. It’s frustrating trying to decide what is “best” because we ultimately have no idea what the end result will be. But I can agree with you on the money… after the last year of surgery, IUI’s and IVF, it is insane how fast is all adds up!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The money stuff is such an added stress- so unfair and awful. So my thoughts tend to be that you need to really factor in your happiness or quality of life in this decision. I personally think if you can find a job or career you absolutely love but is a bit of a gamble, it is better than a secure job that you don’t like. I think life is short and unpredictable and this IF road is already so hard, we need to try to find joy and satisfaction where we can. Just my two cents 🙂

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  3. Arg, this money stuff is so hard. The cost of having a family when you cannot create it the normal way is our greatest stress as well. Working in a boom-bust cycle really doesn’t help with the anxiety. I guess my thoughts are to make sure you factor in your mental health and quality of life while you build your family – it took us a long time to do that but looking back it was the best decision we could have made. Wishing you the best as you work through what’s best for you and your husband.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Something my infertility journey taught me is to make the most of what you have because baby or no baby you need to make your life count. A job you love is so important. Whatever else happens.

    And, down the line, I’ve seen too many people go back to jobs they hate after maternity leave. I can tell you from experience that it is easier to go back to work if at least you like the work.

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  5. You need to do what’s right for you. You should have no regrets in leaving if that’s what you wish to do. No one would be-grudge you the chance to move on, especially not after all you’ve given. Your loyalty is to yourself and your family. NEVER pass up an opportunity out of misplaced loyalty. If they care for you, they will want to see you succeed! 🙂

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  6. I am sorry I probably dont have the answers. But i can relate in that we are also coming to the end of the well soon. Its so unfair. I am a teacher so I really cant move up at all right now, and Im not willing to take a leadership role under the IF/RPL stress. Its a lot to weigh out, my prayers go out to u !

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The costs associated with all forms of ART are absolutely revolting – and then continuously awful when or if you do move forward into adoption, We are looking at private domestic adoption and will be coughing up at least $20,000.00 – It’s not fair that infertility almost always = spending any and all of your savings just to start a family.

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