I’ve got a secret…

Did I catch your attention? Hope so. Its positive news…and, no, I am not pregnant…but one day I just might be.

Embryo Donation: Its something I have been sitting on for a few months now, it feels surreal. It’s the golden opportunity of pursuing a directed donation versus an anonymous donation through our clinic. Even writing this, I still can’t believe it might be true…but this week we had our first meeting…so I finally feel like it could really happen.

You see, back in the fall, I was out for a walk with a dear friend. She was listening to me vent as we pounded the pavement. She was empathetically listening to the gory details surrounding the disappointment of our 2^nd failed IVF and the doctor’s decision to no longer recommend IVF. I explained our options were adoption or embryo donation.  As one of my confidants and key cheerleaders through all this, she asked me what I thought of the embryo donation path.

Of course I told her we are all for anything that gets us closer to starting our family, but that this option seemed unrealistic as the waiting list through the clinic is 12-18 months long (and there was still no guarantee). At that time too, we were exhausted from the infertility ride.  Adoption was the one route that guaranteed us a child…although the waitlist was longer. This journey is all about time and patience and all I wanted last fall was to get the adoption wheels (AKA: the sure thing) turning so that we could ‘hurry up and wait!’

What came next on that sunny fall day was a genuine surprise as my friend proceeded to share that she knew of a couple that had embryos. They had even mentioned to her once that they would like to donate them one day. Their story was similar to ours but had resulted in a twin pregnancy 6 years ago. They had held back donating the remaining two embryos over the years as they weren’t certain how they felt about the anonymous donation path.

Now, this isn’t your everyday conversation. It’s a unique situation for this embryo match-maker friend to be in the middle of and she didn’t want to overstep her boundaries or make anything awkward for us or them.  However, she did offer to go out on a limb for us and send them an email and let them know our story.

Of course nothing happens fast on this path to motherhood…as many of us know too well. This first talk took place in October and I went home with uncomfortable optimism and talked to my husband. The next day I told her…”go ahead, we’re game if they are.” It then took her a couple of weeks to write the email…because, well…it’s just not your typical email to send and it needed a special crafting with just the right word choice.  Something like, ‘Hi there – can we give your frozen em-babies to my friend?’….doesn’t sound as smooth as one would think.

I don’t think my friend even told me when she sent it, I just let it go and let be what was to be. Time carried on from here and we took our adoption seminar course and put our application in…and truth is…I forgot all about that little email. My energy was focused on adoption. Then my parents spun my world with their announcement of a separation (along with the fact my dad is switching teams) at the beginning of December. My head was full and my thoughts were pre-occupied…then…one morning, about a week after my parents news…after an early morning workout, I got a text:

Her: “Are you up?” (….it was 6am after all).

Me: “Yep!”

Her: “They said, yes.”

My head spun a bit as I had no idea what she was talking about at first. Then I remember at the same time as the phone rang. She was on the other end super excited…sometime between her going to bed and getting up that morning this couple had finally responded and expressed that they would love to move forward with a donation. For them, knowing the couple (us!), especially through a common friend, had made it easier for them to finally say yes.  As my dear friend spoke, I think I was in disbelief and likely a little bit in shock. Could this really be true? Well, yes…after this week…it appears it truly is!