I am 1 in 6!

1in6I am 1 in 6 who knows what it feels like to nervously giggle and change the subject when someone asks “when are you having kids?” I know what it feels like to excitedly start trying for a family at the same time as friends…only to be the only couple without kids.

I am 1 in 6 who wakes up at the crack of dawn to take her temperature every single day. I know where to get the best deal on ovulation predictor kits and pregnancy tests. I have read every news article there is on “getting pregnant” and I ride an emotional roller coaster every month.

I am 1 in 6 who seeks every available alternative treatment there is – naturopath, acupuncture, chiropractic, Traditional Chinese Medicine – because a friend of a friend knows someone it worked for.

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Warning: Pregnancy Announcement May Cause Blindness

I remember years ago when someone would tell our group of girlfriends that they were pregnant and it was this joyous announcement that left me with a warm fuzzy feeling. I assumed this is how I would always feel… Oh how I yearn for that feeling of shared joy again.

It makes sense, back then my life wasn’t in a space of wanting children, so there was no comparison and it was effortless to share new baby joy. Skip five years ahead…I am married and years down the path of trying for children. Over the last two years, it feels like every single day encountered moments of hope and despair for that particular cycle. Warning Label Cropped In this emotional burning state, I find a way to operate day to day that for the most part gives the appearance of a normal professional, mid-30s woman. Most of the time I am fine in public situations, but I had a moment a few weeks back that rocked me to my core – a surprise pregnancy announcement.

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Fertility vs. Infertility – It’s why I am here!

I love words…but I hate the word “infertility”…when this word is used in a sentence it creates an internal gag reaction for me. I don’t think anyone sees my heart skip a beat or my stomach knot or my face twitch, but it does. I have struggled with fertility for 29 months now and for me this word “infertility” epitomizes negativity.

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Infertility…how it all started for me

I started my journey to parenthood two and a half years ago. For many of my friends, they were married and within three months were announcing they were pregnant (or in several cases “ooops” and baby came before the “I do’s”). I was okay with it taking a little bit longer and knew it could take up to a year – I am a realist after all. On some level, deep within my subconscious… I always knew that getting pregnant would be hard for me. My deep-seated belief likely grew from my parent’s own struggle 30 years earlier having a second child. I have a brother, but we were an adoptive family…so I know firsthand that there are different ways to grow a family. Adoption will always be an option for me, but selfishly I want the experience of carrying a child too.

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