Oh the intoxicating allure of hope… I sat in my car this afternoon cringing at the thought of hopping on the hope wagon. Sure enough though, as soon the elevator doors opened and my husband and I walked through the clinic doors…I was drunk on hope again.
I don’t know if its the smell of the antiseptic or the color of paint on the walls or the familiarity of the chairs. No matter what it is, I am comfortable in this all too familiar waiting room that flows with an undercurrent of hope all around.
Our appointment was good. It was like the movies when you see the single woman go in picking her sperm donor. Do you want him to be 32 years old, 6’0″ with brown hair and eyes with an Italian descent? Or perhaps 6’4″ with a Norwegian decent and blue eyes? But after the guys details, we got their wife’s details…and now we get to pick the potential baby concoction that these two people could make.
We ended up with four files to choose from. No extra information provided other than what cycle they were on, how many embryos they had, what day # they are…and details on how their situation shook out. As well, we were told if we are the first to grab some of their leftovers.
Its funny, with IVF I learned how to interpret my results…but this is different, now we have to judge someone else’s results, make an educated crap shoot guess and roll the dice! Luckily the doctor weighed in and gave her order of preference for us to pick from…this matched my initial thoughts, so that helps with the decision making.
My husband compared our appointment after we left to the excitement of the casino. Should we put it all on red? or lucky #23? (Oh, how we do love roulette!)
Now back to the question…am I done?
I really thought I was done before I walked through those doors. Must have been all the questions I asked in my appointment, but the doctor picked up on my mood and noted that I was likely struggling from a bit of “fertility fatigue” and recommended the therapist as a resource. I guess this feeling of “being done” is nothing new and pretty common when you have been on the ride as long as we have.
So, am I done? I don’t think so…but time will tell.