Ok…maybe I’m not done :)

Oh the intoxicating allure of hope…  I sat in my car this afternoon cringing at the thought of hopping on the hope wagon.  Sure enough though, as soon the elevator doors opened and my husband and I walked through the clinic doors…I was drunk on hope again.

I don’t know if its the smell of the antiseptic or the color of paint on the walls or the familiarity of the chairs.  No matter what it is, I am comfortable in this all too familiar waiting room that flows with an undercurrent of hope all around.

Our appointment was good. It was like the movies when you see the single woman go in picking her sperm donor.  Do you want him to be 32 years old, 6’0″ with brown hair  and eyes with an Italian descent? Or perhaps 6’4″ with a Norwegian decent and blue eyes?  But after the guys details, we got their wife’s details…and now we get to pick the potential baby concoction that these two people could make.

We ended up with four files to choose from. No extra information provided other than what cycle they were on, how many embryos they had, what day # they are…and details on how their situation shook out. As well, we were told if we are the first to grab some of their leftovers.

Its funny, with IVF I learned how to interpret my results…but this is different, now we have to judge someone else’s results, make an educated crap shoot guess and roll the dice!  Luckily the doctor weighed in and gave her order of preference for us to pick from…this matched my initial thoughts, so that helps with the decision making.

My husband compared our appointment after we left to the excitement of the casino.  Should we put it all on red? or lucky #23? (Oh, how we do love roulette!)

Now back to the question…am I done?

I really thought I was done before I walked through those doors. Must have been all the questions I asked in my appointment, but the doctor picked up on my mood and noted that I was likely struggling from a bit of “fertility fatigue” and recommended the therapist as a resource.  I guess this feeling of  “being done” is nothing new and pretty common when you have been on the ride as long as we have.

So, am I done?  I don’t think so…but time will tell.

Done Try Again




Am I done? 

DoneHere I sit in my car waiting for my 3:20 pm appointment to start. I have been patiently waiting for 3 months.

This is the “WTF” appointment to look back as well as the “kick off” appointment for our next embryo donation opportunity…

I used to get excited for appointments like this. This time, all I can think… am I done?

The stress of the next round crept in this week. I have been clenching my teeth…that’s my first official signal. My mind has raced a bit, but mostly it’s just tired and cringing at the thought of meds and hoops to jump through for the next 6 weeks.

Then there’s my wallet… It’s less inclined to open and throw the money around like it has been in the past. It’s small potatoes compared to previous expenses…but the clasp is tighter than ever.

My husbands game, but I’m on the fence. Am I done? 

(I will follow up later)

VIP for IVF & IUI folks: Bravelle Recall

Some may know this already but I just learned today that Bravelle, the drug that is subcutaneously injected to stimulate egg production during infertility treatment, has been recalled in the United States for anyone who took it between March 27, 2014, and October 2015. Per Ferring’s letter that my RE provided a copy of to […]


IVF #2: A funny thing happened on the way to the bathroom…

In order to stay sane through the IVF process, one tip is you need to find the funny stuff in-between all the seriousness. Now as most of you know, on Monday I had my retrieval. Every aspect of this retrieval procedure is a well-oiled machine at our clinic. The nurses give the exact same speech, the doctor gives the same pep talk…the only curve balls come from the patients! And this time, I guess I was a good pitcher.

My procedure was scheduled for 11am, so they had us there at 10:30am to get me organized. They apologized that things were a little behind once I had my IV in place…now a little behind in my world is 15 to 30 minutes….at the clinic, a little behind meant five minutes.  Nothing to stress about that is for sure! Despite being behind schedule, I felt like they ushered me into the bathroom and then off to the O.R. room lickety split.

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