Last week we gave the official go ahead to proceed with IVF treatment in February. This will be our first experience with the treatment. Saying “yes” followed with many emotional feelings I wasn’t expecting – hope, excitement, sadness, fear, anxiety, happiness, loneliness, financial worry, … I could go on and on as I think my feelings and thoughts change by the hour, if not by the minute.
Last year we attempted 6 rounds of Clomid and 3 rounds of IUI treatments, not to mention – acupuncture, naturopathic treatments, diets and cleanses, chiropractics as well as Bodytalk. While one piece of me always knew I would struggle with fertility, I never thought I would struggle with it this far. I never envisioned IVF treatment in my future.
There are many people out there who have an opinion on the treatment, but through this experience I realize the only opinion that matters is mine and my husband’s. I feel like saying “yes” is a redefining and strengthening moment in knowing who I am and what I am and my marriage is capable of. It is making me have no choice but to let go and put my faith in the process and the universe.
Three years ago, I never knew the emotional toll that infertility takes on a person or the impact it could have on a marriage. Infertility is something that I see now can shape you or tear you apart. I am choosing that this journey is shaping the person I am meant to be and making my marriage rock solid…it scares the hell out of me and I know it is going to be tough some days…but I know we will figure out how to do it and whatever is on the other side I will be grateful for it because I will have stayed true to myself.
So is IVF putting a spring back in my step? I am not 100% certain yet as some moments feels like there is lead in my shoes while walking through mud, but most of the times I feel like it is springing me quickly forward to hope.