Mum’s the word…

Or rather, why has this blog been so quiet lately? To be honest, it started as just a little break until we did our adoption seminar and then it turned into an all-out hiatus. Here is a little recap of the last few months:sbTherapy

October

I consider October the month of pulling myself back together. We worked through our grief of the failed 2nd IVF and the news of our poor egg quality. As hard as it was to hear that our IVF treatment journey was at an end, I did get a lot of peace in knowing what the problem was for us and that we didn’t continue to fall into an “unexplained” category. To help rebuild our spirit, we looked ahead to the adoption seminar and pulled together all the bits and pieces of the adoption application with the goal to be ready to submit the week after the seminar.

November

In November we jumped into the adoption journey with both feet. The first weekend of the month we completed our agency’s two-day seminar and two weeks later officially submitted our application. Before the seminar I was a little skeptical about whether the two-days were going to be a valuable experience, but I have to say that the two-days we spent with the other five couples was therapeutic and exciting. It dispelled questions and stereotypes, plus it showed us that there are other people in our city struggling with infertility and it gave us hope for our parenting future. I am happy to say that after years of disappointment, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders in November. I was happy and optimistic and I was at peace and excited about what would come next.

Little did I know that November would go out with a bang after an unexpected coffee visit from my Dad on the last day of the month. During his impromptu visit he shockingly announced my parent’s separation after nearly 40 years of marriage. Say what?

December

After the lightness of November, the December stress came tumbling down on me. Not only were we doing more layoffs at work, but my parents were parting ways. I was (am) in shock and it didn’t matter where I went, there were mounds of stress waiting to be heaped on my shoulders. Within hours of my dad breaking the news, I found myself in the middle and reaching out making sure my mom was okay, my dad was okay and keeping tabs on my sensitive souled brother. The heavy dark cloud that had followed me around through years of infertility returned in a brand new form.

My parents’ marriage was something I looked up and I respected. They never fought and supported each other through the thick and thin (or so I thought) and I had built the foundation of my own marriage on their groundwork. Now in one afternoon that bubble was burst; I learned instead that my parents were experts at keeping their differences away from the kids. As I learned more about their relationship in the days following the news, I had to come to the conclusion that there is no one to be mad at in this situation. My dad needs his space and my mom needs hers too. They did everything right…they didn’t cheat, they talked to counsellors, etc… it was just time to part ways. Unfortunately, knowing all this doesn’t seem to make it any easier and I am surprised at how much grief comes from the loss of this relationship in my life. I constantly remind myself that I still have both parents and they are both healthy and that is what is fundamentally important now.

I wish I could say I was looking forward to the holiday season, but instead I really wish I could fast forward through everything and arrive somewhere around January 10th. I took our tree out of the box, but I can’t seem to bring myself to find decorations for it. We are cooking Christmas dinner, where my parents will likely both join for dinner along with my mother in law – it will be interesting to see how that goes.   I wish I could say I was looking forward to the next week or two, but Christmas has turned into something a little bluer than traditionally…but I know we will take it in stride each day and we will find things to smile at too.

I do have to say I am looking forward to December 31st this year so that I can formally say goodbye to one of the hardest years of my life. I feel like 2015 was the equivalent of being dragged by my hair behind a car along a gravel road. In retrospect, it is surreal everything that has happened this year…so many ups and downs….I am looking forward to new beginnings in all aspects of my life in 2016 with hopes that my dark cloud overhead will disappear for good.

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “Mum’s the word…

  1. Oh my, your life has sure been full of ups and downs lately! I am excited about your decision to jump into adoption and I am also so very sorry about your parent’s decision to separate. I can really understand why this Christmas season is so hard and why you are excited to close the door on 2015. I truly hope 2016 is a year of fresh starts and happy new beginnings!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So much has happened- welcome back and so happy to hear you are moving forward! I am so sorry to hear about your parents. My seemingly perfect married parents separated when I was an adult and I have been surprised at how hard it has been. It really rocks you to your core. I have found that making sure I get out my feelings and communicate a lot with my husband has helped. Over five years later we are all in a pretty good place. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am sorry to hear about your parents too. Yes, I never thought this would shake me to the core either. It’s been a complete surprise to deal with all these emotions around their relationship. Good to know that with time things work themselves out too.

      Like

  3. Gosh, what a crazy last few months you have had! All of the adoption stuff sounds so exciting and I’m really happy for you that’s it’s officially underway. I’m sorry about your parents. I can imagine that would be extremely upsetting. I hope January is really boring for you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m really sorry to hear about your parents. I was 17 when my parents divorced and it wasn’t pretty, it STILL isn’t pretty and believe it or not my dad actually blames me a little bit (his words!) (needless to say we don’t have a sunshine and rainbows relationship, I’ve posted about him a few times). You are going through some major hurdles, but I can tell you my dear whatever is waiting for you at the finish line will be GRAND and wonderful! I just know it!! I’m really looking forward to hearing about your adoption story. Just about two more weeks to get through this year, and a new fresh start (and lots of wine?) for next year!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Kimberly! It’s pretty crazy how much it impacts your life. I am sorry to hear you know this path too. I agree lots of wine ahead! 🙂 I know there is wonderful things waiting for you in 2016 too. Thanks for your kind words. Have a wonderful holiday season!

      Like

  5. I am so sad for all your grief and life-altering experiences. You’ve been through the ringer. I know you always try to stay optimistic, and I really admire that about you. Admitting things have been hard and shitty, I hope felt even a tiny bit good to put that out there after always trying to see the glass half full and the positives – sometimes the reality is, you need an effing break!
    I’m really excited for this coming year for you. I know good things happen to good people, and you are golden. You will be the most amazing Mom. The path is rocky, but the prize will make all your dreams come true.
    We too are dealing with a sudden parent separation after 40 years – totally unexpected, and an awkward and kind of numbing Christmas. It sucks, it rocks your world, it changes everything you’ve known and your relationships, but I suppose it’s another one of those forks in the road to navigate and become a new normal. Enough new normal, right?!
    Thanks for being willing to share with us even when it must have been hard to write. Here’s to 2016!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much. I can’t believe you are having to deal with the emotions of these things too. It’s such a weird sense of loss when everything tangible is still there. I know we will find things to smile about over the next week, I hope you find lots of things too. Lastly, thank you! I have appreciate your support and kind words over the last year. It has helped a lot. Hugs!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s